so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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