Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
