saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
