Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
