farters have to be the big spoon...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
