my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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