??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
