I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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