If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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