just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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