just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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