so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
