We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
