never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize