A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
