my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
