i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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