you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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