Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
