My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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