seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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