Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
