I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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