No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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