Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
