True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
