in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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