I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My breasts were aching with rage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
