Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
