Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
