Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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