thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
