Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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