We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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