There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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