Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize