my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
