Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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