I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
