the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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