the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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