i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
