Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
