so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
