my mouth tastes like poor choices
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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