White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize