honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
