no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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