Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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