i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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