how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
