I wish my penis had an off switch
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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