Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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