who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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