Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize