i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
