It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
