i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
