2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
