When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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