There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
