Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
