Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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