I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
time to smoke my breakfast
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
