Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
