i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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