he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
