hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
