So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
