they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
